Readers Coffee Shop

Why You Should Marry a Non-English Speaker

I am much amused by a Hagar the Viking cartoon in which Lucky Eddie declares Norwegian girls as being the best. Hagar the sea bandit says, ‘Yes, but Bulgarian girls are pretty and they’re good cooks.’

Undeterred, the Viking’s hapless helper then raises the issue of language: ‘But a Bulgarian girl cannot speak to you!’ Hagar considers this for a moment before brightly replying: ‘And that’s another good thing.’

I speak from experience when I say that sharing one’s life with a lady whose language is different from one’s own is an enriching experience. Mine when writing often sends my happy hags (hugs). She also sends me worm (warm) cuddles. I recall the time when after telling me she was on her way home it might be a good idea if I put the cattle on.

Her written endearments are an absolute delight. They would lose much of their charm had she a better understanding of English. What you describe as killing two birds with one stone comes out as the farmer who shot two rabbits with one gun. She prefers me wearing shorts because she likes my beer (bare) legs. 

I cock the dinners up. I think she means I cook the dinners up but I can’t be certain. Recently she crocheted a hut for her friend’s head.

I told Lisa, my Danish friend I thought her plucky. I never realised how close I was to being hand-bagged. She was much offended until she checked out its English meaning.  Being plucky in Danish has a different implication, which I leave to your imagination.

A German friend suggested we go to the pluffin for a meal. At first bewildered, I realised he meant The Plough Inn. At the bottom of a Chilean friend’s letter was the instruction; ‘please turn around.’  I did so several times before realising he meant PTO as in ‘please turn over.’

There was the English language student who asked: ‘Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?’

Her teacher was taken aback when another student said: ‘Please don’t shoot so many people in my country.’

‘Could you repeat that very slowly,’ the tutor replied. The student spelt it out for her: ‘Police don’t shoot people in my country very often.’

I am glad that is cleared up. Another explained to her teacher: ‘My mother wants me to marry a good, successful man but I want to marry my boyfriend.’

A student of English was enthusiastic about her progress. She breathlessly observed that if she studied hard she was sure of graduating in 2021 years. Perhaps the same young lady who wrote, ‘we served a nice pig dinner’ after her friends visited for a dinner party.

One can hardly blame them. It has been said that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

I had hardly known my saintly wife for more than a week or so when she told me she loved having intercourse with me. For goodness sake, we hadn’t at the time as much as kissed. It then dawned on me that she had learned much of her conversational English from old English classics. The term before the 20th century was a commonly used term for conversation.

As we settled into married bliss I had to remind her that men have chests not breasts and men wear briefs whilst women wear panties.

My wife learned much of her English from me. A rather genteel neighbour was a little taken aback when my nearest and dearest described her neighbour’s potted plants as ‘looking the dog’s bollocks.’ This is an expression I often use ~ around the house.

An elderly couple having been friends for years decided to marry. Having discussed living and financial arrangements the delicate subject is raised. The elderly gentleman asks his soon to be bride how often a ‘physical arrangement’ might be presumed. She replies: ‘Infrequently.’ He pauses for a moment and then asks: ‘Is that one word or two?’ ~ Michael Walsh

ARE YOU AN UNPUBLISHED NOVELIST

If you have written a novel or biography but lack the skills to bring your work to retail standard Michael Walsh can help you.

Enquiries invited from writers who have already written or are well advanced in writing their novel. There is a demand for fiction, real-life stories, mystery, romance, crime, erotica, and romantic comedy.  Contact: euroman_uk@yahoo.co.uk

Think your friends would be interested? Share or reblog this story!

MICHAEL WALSH is a journalist, broadcaster and the author of RISE OF THE SUN WHEELEUROPE ARISE TROTSKY’S WHITE NEGROESMEGACAUST,  DEATH OF A CITYWITNESS TO HISTORY,  MY LAST TESTAMENT LET GOD JUDGE ME, THE BUSINESS BOOSTERTHE FIFTH COLUMN VOLUME I and IIFOR THOSE WHO CANNOT SPEAKIMMORTAL BELOVEDTHE ALL LIES INVASIONINSPIRE A NATION Volume IINSPIRE A NATION Volume II , SLAUGHTER OF A DYNASTY , REICH AND WRONG,  THE RED BRIGANDSRANSACKING THE REICH ,    SCULPTURES OF THE THIRD RIECH: ARNO BREKER AND REICH SCULPTORS  SCULPTURES OF THE THIRD RIECH:  JOSEF THORAK AND REICH SCULPTORS ,   SCULPTURES OF THE THIRD REICH VOLUME III Porcelain and Reich Sculptors, The Exiled Duke Romanov Who Turned Desert Into Paradise , THE DOVETAILS , SEX FEST AT TIFFANY’S  and other book titles. These illustrated best-selling books are essential for the libraries of informed readers.

MICHAEL WALSH NOVELS

The revenge of a predator is a city-vigilante epic better than Death Wish A LEOPARD IN LIVERPOOL , 55 lavishly illustrated first-hand stories by a Liverpool sailor THE LEAVING OF LIVERPOOL, Latest Killer-Thriller From Michael Walsh the City Vigilante Supremo The Stigma Enigma , A powerful thought-provoking paranormal romance The Soul Meets, How to form a naughty ménage a trois THE DOVETAILS and SEX FEST AT TIFFANY’S.

Latest Michael Walsh bestsellers: Those who fall victim to the taxman, banks and moneylenders are victims of legalised mugging  DEBTOR’S REVENGE, The Business Booster shows you how to double your profits not your workload THE BUSINESS BOOSTER 

MICHAEL WALSH is a journalist, author, and broadcaster. His 70 books include best-selling RHODESIA’S DEATH EUROPE’S FUNERAL, AFRICA’S KILLING FIELDS,  THE LAST GLADIATORS, A Leopard in Liverpool, RISE OF THE SUN WHEELEUROPE ARISE, FOR THOSE WHO CANNOT SPEAK, THE ALL LIES INVASIONINSPIRE A NATION Volume IINSPIRE A NATION Volume II, and many other book titles. These illustrated best-selling books are essential for the libraries of informed readers.

The dissident author’s books available for purchase by visiting his website BOOKSTORE, and POETRY  links.

We are in debt to our donors who finance the distribution of spin-free real news and fearlessly expressed views.

KEEP REAL NEWS OPEN: Donate by using Western Union, MoneyGram, Ria, registered mail or contact Michael Walsh: keyboardcosmetics@gmail.com or euroman_uk@yahoo.co.uk 2) Follow our blog. 3) Share our stories and 4) buy our author-signed books. 5) Receive free newsletters by writing subscribe to euroman_uk@yahoo.co.uk

BOOKS THAT CHALLENGE, INSPIRE, INFORM Michael Walsh, ‘Writer of the Year’ with a strong global following. Nearly 70 interesting Amazon book titles famed for changing and improving lives. CLICK TO VIEW

www.mikewalshwritingservices.wordpress.com

New stories every day!

EUROPE RENAISSANCE

https://europerenaissance.wordpress.com/

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s